It seems as though I can’t fall asleep. Even though I have my most important final tomorrow, and I probably could use all the sleep I could get, but instead of just laying in my bed with my thoughts I decided I would write them down instead. The past few hours I have been thinking about 3 things.
- How I am going to fail my final tomorrow (technically it’s today). Of course I don’t think I am going to fail it (I hope). I studied my ass off for it, but I am so stressed and overwhelmed that I have lost all of my confidence. It’s also the final for my hardest class this semester. I probably should be studying for it now since I can’t sleep, but I would much rather do something I enjoy (writing). I also probably should try to get some sleep since I have to wake up in a couple hours, but I’ve tried to sleep for the past five hours. So it seems useless now.
- How I can’t wait for the weekend and Christmas break. Finals week is finally here! Only more more week of hell and then I can celebrate being done with the semester. Which means I only have one more semester and then I graduate (scary thought). This semester went by crazy fast. I don’t know how I feel about it. I can’t wait to start fresh and get away from my school, but I am also insanely nervous because I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do after I graduate. I guess I will figure it out though. I usually do. I also can’t wait to go home to spend time with my family. I haven’t been able to go home that much this semester and I miss my family. It will be a nice break from the people at my school, school itself, and drinking every weekend.
- You. Of course you are on my mind tonight when I can’t fall asleep (how annoying). I’ve been thinking about how much I miss last semester. When you were here. When you came over every night. How much I miss that. I’ve been replaying memories in my head all night as if you’re still here, but I know we will probably never see each other again. But you are one of my late night thoughts tonight. I wish you weren’t on my mind, but the silly girl that I am can’t help it. I’ve been thinking about everything that went wrong between us from the very beginning, but to me it still doesn’t make sense that you ended things. Maybe I’ve been happier since we broke up, because I don’t have to plan out my days according to when I get to talk to you. I knew long-distance would be hard, and so did you. But you should of thought of that before you made promises you couldn’t keep. Because you broke me. And I don’t know how to put together the pieces again. I know I will figure it out, and I will become stronger because of it (that’s what they say anyway). But I think you need to be careful when it comes to people. They aren’t disposable. You don’t get to throw them away whenever you want to, because it’s hard on you. It never was going to be easy between us. I wish you realized that before you broke my heart into a million pieces. I just hope you learn from this, and with the next girl you treat her better.
I guess I should go to bed considering it is 5:14 AM and I have to wake up in a couple hours to take my big bad final.